birthday.

thanks friends, dad, and lynette!

birthdays are my absolute favorite. it isn't even just my birthday. i love them all. 

i love the anticipation of the day, spending time with all the people that are important to you, hearing from the ones who are far away.. i love the way you can justify eating unhealthily. i love beautifully wrapped presents, thoughtful presents, singing cards..hah. 

i love how, on your birthday, you know how important and loved you are.

and i really love how birthday celebrations last for like 5 days. even when you're in college!

thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday! you made my day so special!

people.

the people i love have really been on my heart today. maybe it's because i'm overwhelmed and tired, and want them not to be? also, i just love them. and am so thankful for them!

my wonderful, silly, little [big] brothers...

my twin, andrew.

my hilarious kent.

my beautiful, loving sisters...

my trustworthy, lovely mads.

my wise, adventurous, beautiful mer.

my sassy, sweet emmy.

my faithful, forever irvine friends....

my beautiful, godly em and kim.

my fun, outdoorsey, tan alis.

my life apu friends....

my happy, energetic, social, christina, crystal, and jess.

my hardcore, loving elise. and brianna!

school.

school is honestly the most time consuming job ever. i am in awe of the people who are able to constantly be going to school. i think i'll be more than done after getting my graduate degree. and i'm doing it all in one fell swoop and finishing my undergrad early. 


sometimes it's just so frustrating. i mean, there are so many things that i could be doing with my time that are more important than working on worksheets, or one page responses to books i've kind of skimmed. like feeding hungry people. building them houses. raising money for them. working in south africa. hanging out with jerry in zimbabwe. you know. those things where you make a difference every time you do something? and they're realistic. people actually do things like leave for a year and hang out in africa. or i could just hang out with people here. in camden. or even make my roommate's lives easier. i try to do that each day, but it would be so much better with extra time!


anyway. this was just a quick homework break. now back to tolstoy's the death of ivan ilyitch.


on the plus side..i really am so thankful that i have the opportunity for an education and am constantly praying for the ability to appreciate it. 

we did it. we found the best pancake mix. i love my roommates for letting me take up the kitchen for an hour, and helping make 3 different batches of pancakes. 
based on color, texture, taste, and consistency, this mix was by far the winner.

additionally, today i got an app for my iphone that searches for places to eat that have a gluten free menu, in the area surrounding you. so great! i learned that they even have a few choices in edmond. oklahoma, here i come! its called the gluten free registry. it was $1.99 (the first app i've paid for in my two years of being an iphone owner) but so, so worth it. i feel better just knowing i will always be able to eat something.


my body is still so swollen. its kind of funny, but mostly sad. i'm going to my primary care doctor friday morning. i'm going to take a picture with him. facebook profile pic? he is definitely my hero right now!

oh life.

over the past few weeks, i've been inundated with homework, doctors appointments, and chapel. also. blogging still seems slightly ridiculous to me. 
anyway...
today i went to take pictures with my brother for formal. it was so cute. and funny. i miss those dress up, grown up days. 

on the doctor front....the pulmonologist told me he was throwing up his hands, he just didn't know what else could be wrong. so he ordered a new ct scan, and a stress test for my heart, which is working too hard for some reason. i had the ct scan on wednesday. they injected radioactive gas into me for a while, and also had me breathe it. nothing hurt (except putting the iv in because i have really small veins). it was actually kind of cool. i felt like superman. monday morning i have the stress test. its making me nervous because i can't take my inhaler, so i know i'll be having at least an asthma attack, if not another whatever problem i have attack.


also, with all my allergies, my foods are super limited. however, my body is still constantly swollen which is ridiculous.


but i got to see my maddy today, which was lovely.

blogging.

today in my magazine article writing class we talked about blogging. apparently people who have the most people reading their blogs are those who often do reviews. which is just so random to me, but i guess it makes sense. we have to write a review for class. my plan is to post it on here just to see what will happen. who knows. maybe i'll be the next winner of a years supply of hot pockets. yum...?


i've also been reading a few other blogs recently. i realized the ones i love to read are just "days in the life of" the writer. they aren't usually anything particularly special or impressive. i've only been blogging when i have a profound thought. or i've worked on something. not that those things don't happen in my regular days. but instead of just posting when i have something super post worthy, i'm going to do it whenever. because i think those are the most fun to read. 


also. i've been thinking. this is a great way for all my concerned people to read and stay updated with my doctor stuff. because it is daunting and overwhelming to call or text like 20 people after every doctor's appointment. one day soon i'll type up what has happened over the past 3 and a half months. but for now, i'll just summarize quickly. and talk about what's coming up.

basically, i've been having trouble breathing since a few weeks before thanksgiving. i went to a bunch of doctors, urgent care, and the apu health center. i ended up having like 3 different things going on, and they gave me medicine, and sent me away. i didn't actually get better though, so i had to continue going back. on my wonderful grandma's recommendation, i found dr.brunner, the best doctor ever. every time i see him, he assures me that we will get to the bottom of this. and i totally believe him. 
after months of tests and blood work, we have learned a few important things about my body, but nothing about what is causing my breathing (and now swallowing too) problems. one good guess is vocal cord dysfunction, but that is really hard to test and be sure of. just for fun, i'm literally severely allergic to every environmental allergen with the exception of mold. and i'm intolerant to lactose, as well as allergic to wheat, soy, peanuts, and walnuts. (these aren't allergies that kill me. they just make my body retain water weight, making me swollen and puffy.)
anyway. tuesday i saw dr.brunner again. you know your life is sad when you're friends with the nurses, and they know to get excited when your pulse is in the eighties...he ordered a ton of blood, and is now testing for, among other things, a neuromuscular disorder, which is something he and my head and neck guy thought could be happening. scary, but we will see. also, i'm going to the pulmonologist next week, which will hopefully be helpful.


my closing thought....regular pancakes are wayyyyy better than gluten free ones.
and always without syrup. 

love.

tonight i worked on my valentine's day cards, in preparation for next monday. it got me thinking about love, and other mushy valentines-y things. i've been trying to figure out what love is. i think i have at least a start. 

love is getting in someone else's sleeping bag before they go to bed, just to warm it up for them.

love is sitting in an extra half hour of traffic, to bring someone left-overs you know they'll enjoy.

love is getting up at 4:45 to take someone to the airport.

love is holding hands, even when you don't want to, because you know they do.

love is patiently saying the same thing over and over again, until the other person believes you. 

love is eating dinner at the beach, even though its so windy the sand is stinging your ankles, because its a tradition.

love is giving someone a piggy back ride uphill because they don't want to walk.

love is wiping jamba off someone's face after they've had their wisdom teeth out and can't feel anything.

i'm not an expert. i mean, i'm only almost 20. but i've loved/i love a lot of people, and i think this is the beginning of being able to define love. it is way more than a few butterflies in your tummy, that is one thing i know for sure.